Untitled (revisited)

Untitled

I don't know what happened.

But it just did.

I saw a bit of you there, I wanted to capture it, hold it and never let go.

I broke down.

I appolgised.

But he understood.

He is not what he use to be. Its funny what years can do to you. It's actually scary and sad at the same time since it appears that one is only left with oneself in the end.

I saw your shadow today, sitting there and I broke down.We're loosing him you know. When he got up to leave, I didn't want him to go. He sat there, looking around him. His blue eyes are shade of grey now. He knows what is ahead of him, but cries over what has been. He looks around for you. I can sense it. I look around for you too sometimes.

I walk with him as far as I can. But then I know I have to let go. He looks at me and smiles. Reminds me of who I am. It takes gutts to smile at times like these. He sees the empty eyes and talks of a bright future, a city gone mad, and he looks at the white garden chair. We've added a bit of yellow to it now. That's our effort on making it look alive.

He turns around for a final glance.He looks at me and he tells me he looks for you. I smile back. Its crazy, both of us look at eachother and end up finding a bit of you. I break down again and this time I'm not alone.

I know this is possibly our last goodbye.He tells me why I need to be strong ; but I am not listening anymore. I'm absorbing each moment of having your shadow around me just once again.

I know this is our last time.I am taking this thought with me for the weekend. I cherish this possibly as one of the rare encounters of a life time. Let this be our last time.


*The blog was first recorded in Feb 23, 2007 before my flight to Islamabad.

** Shafi Mammoon passed away on March 6, 2008. That February evening proved to be our last time indeed.